Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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