I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
