I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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