I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
