She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
