Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
