Im at strip club and am horny
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
