remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I think your dad took our porno
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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