Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
