totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
