Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
