Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I still have a little drunk in my system
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
