You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
