Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
