I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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