she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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