Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
True strength comes from lack of pants
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
