then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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