you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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