oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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