another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
