I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
