she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
