wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
