I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
two words...techno handjob
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
