I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
