i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
