dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
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