Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
