Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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