he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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