does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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