Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
