so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
