i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
