Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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