I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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