Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
