Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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