In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Sorry about my life...
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
