She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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