My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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