Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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