I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
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