Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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