tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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