I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
you win again, gameday.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
