Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
