you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Randomize
