It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I wear drunk well.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
