The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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