Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
