I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
