i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
