I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
